you know that moment, when you’re just so done with everything, all you can do is stare into space and pretended to listen to whats going on around you. everything has just become too much. so much that you become numb for the most part. you’ve lost yourself in this place where so many others have found their place and you just feel out of place. Your anxiety makes you shake like no other all the time and you can only remember a few times when it stopped. where calm finally hit..but you dont want to think about it because it just hurts and it seems so far away anyways. but you hurt anyways because of everything else that’s causing you pain. when will it stop, you don’t know. and yet you manage to get through each day without ever really knowing how.

i feel so freaking empty. i dont know how to fix it either. i cant get a hold of him. the best i can do is distract myself, but that sucks too. it’s like my monologue from stardust.. thats why its so hard for me to give into it, to give into the emotion. because i actually FEEL IT. (..besides the fact that i’m not a fallen star that’s thousands of years old) and it kinda scares me, just like it does Yvaine. my heart feels like it no longer belongs to me anymore, maybe that’s why i feel so empty. although it could be other things too..  everything else that’s going on just adds to the seemingly never ending spinning thoughts in my brain. GAH! (monolgue to be posted next/above this..)

do you ever just get mad because you’re spending your only teenage years feeling like you want to jump off a cliff while other people are having the time of their lives and being in love and just being good at things and you’re just kind of there

(Source: uoa)

and if this goes bad, i honestly don’t know what will happen to me.